Payback is a Bitch
by Mickey3
Summary: Rodney plots revenge against Sheppard after the events in The Game. Then finds out why that is a really, really bad idea.
1. Payback is a Bitch

**Payback Is a Bitch **

By Mickey

Status: Completed 11/30/2008

Season: 3

Spoilers: Minor for The Game

Archive Permission: Ask first. I'll probably say yes.

Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis and its characters are the property of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, MGM Global Holdings, and whoever else has a claim to 'em. This story is for fun and I sure as hell didn't get paid for writin' it. No copyright infringement intended.

Word Count: 698

Author's Notes: Written for the Nov 28th stargatedrabbles list's challenge: Write up your favorite geek moment. Thanks to Cheryl for the beta. Another one I found that I could have sworn I posted YEARS ago! Jeez. Not sure why this one wasn't posted much sooner either!

* * *

John was surprised when Zelenka came to a skidding stop in front of him, struggling with an overstuffed pack. He sighed then asked, "What are doing? Where's Rodney?"

Zelenka looked startled for a minute the said, "I thought you knew. I'm going in Rodney's place. He said you were okay with it."

Biting his tongue, John merely nodded. He wasn't sure what McKay was playing at, but he wasn't going to get away with it. There was no way in hell he was spending an entire weekend on a deserted planet surrounded by geeks without Rodney there to keep them in check. It was bad enough that Ronon had gone off-world with Lorne's team and Teyla was visiting her people. It wasn't that he didn't respect Zelenka, he did, it was just that at least Rodney could keep the scientists under his thumb. Zelenka did okay, but he just wasn't as tough as Rodney.

"Did McKay say _why_ he wasn't coming?"

"He was very vague. Just said something about new research in old Ancient lab we found in one of the parts of the city we hadn't explored yet." Zelenka paused. John noted that he seemed a little nervous.

The more he looked around, the more John got the feeling he'd been set up. After nearly three years working with these people, he was pretty familiar with almost all of the scientists on Atlantis. Every single one that was in the gate room right then was... outspoken. And that was putting it politely. To make matters worse, Kavanagh was back and was assigned to this mission. Rodney was the only one besides himself and Elizabeth who could keep the jerk in check. Kavanagh generally tended to run roughshod over the other geeks. Especially Zelenka.

John tapped the button on his earpiece. "McKay. This is your mission. Get your ass to the gate room on the double!"

He waited impatiently for Rodney to reply, smiling as Kavanagh stumbled, tripping over another geek's foot that she had "accidentally" stuck out in his path. It amused him, just a little, to see the arrogant bastard nearly lose his footing. He threw the offending geek a dirty look then readjusted his pack.

Finally, Rodney answered, "Sorry, Colonel, no can do. I have very important... stuff to do down here. I've already cleared this with Elizabeth. You have fun on that nice, hot planet for three days."

Yep. Definitely something fishy going on. He was almost certain now that Rodney had set the whole damn thing up. Probably pissed over that whole citrus thing from a few days ago in the game that turned out to not actually be a game.

Rodney's voice came back over his radio interrupting John's thoughts.

"You really should get going. The suns on that planet rise in about an hour and you really want to make sure you have your camp set up by then. It gets up to about a hundred and five degrees and stays there for about fourteen hours or so." He paused then added, "It isn't much cooler at night."

And that just sounded way to damn cheerful. Apparently, Rodney didn't realize he hadn't turned his radio off because his voice came over it again.

"Maybe next time he'll find a better way to resolve an issue than trying to poison me."

"Colonel Sheppard." Zelenka was standing in front of him. John could only imagine what his face must look like because Zelenka looked like he'd rather be doing anything other than facing the Air Force colonel right then.

"What?" He barked.

"We are ready to go."

John sighed. He turned to see the expectant, impatient faces of several scientists. "Let's move out people." Addressing one of the three Marines who were accompanying him, he said, "Gibbons, cover our six." That said, he turned and signaled to the sergeant on duty in the control room that he was ready to move out.

The 'gate technician nodded and started dialing. After a few seconds, the 'gate opened with a swoosh. As John stepped through the shimmering puddle followed closely by the members of the "Geek Squad", he had already started plotting his revenge.

**TBC**


	2. Sheppard's Revenge

**Sheppard's Revenge**

By Mickey

Status: Completed 12/2/2008

Word Count: 1000

Author's Notes: Written for the Nov 28th stargatedrabbles list's challenge: Write up your favorite geek moment. Also done because some people wanted to see John get his revenge. Thanks to Cheryl for the beta.

* * *

To say that Colonel John Sheppard was pissed was an understatement. He was downright furious. It wasn't bad enough that he'd been forced to stay on a boring, bug infested planet for three days with a bunch of geeks, noooo. It had to be a boring, bug infested planet with some kinda of scorpion looking thing with nasty venom. Just one of the little bastards had gotten him and that was all it had taken.

He and Sergeant Mendoza had been helping one of the geeks move a few large pieces of Ancient equipment. Apparently the scorpion-like creature had been hiding or sleeping, whatever, behind the last piece. The sucker had attacked him and within two minutes, _maybe_ three, his left hand had swollen to about three times its normal size. Freaking thing left a hole in the back of his hand the size of a nickel!

To make matters worse, when he'd jerked his hand back to escape another sting, the geek had panicked and jumped back, bumping into John and causing him to fall and break his arm. He'd been forced to split up his team, leaving Lieutenant Phillips and Sergeant Killinger to round up the scientists, and their equipment, while he and Sergeant Pool made their way back to the 'gate. Three-quarters of the way there, Pool, who was a good four inches shorter and sixty pounds lighter, had to support most of his CO's weight. By the time they made it back, John had been sweating profusely and could barely stand.

So now, instead of enjoying his downtown playing golf, he was stuck in the infirmary. Because of the swelling, his broken arm couldn't be put into a cast yet. That, his still slightly elevated temperature and the fact that he was still on the anti-venom treatment Beckett had concocted, led to the Scottish doctor insisting that he remain in the infirmary for at least two days. Glancing at his watch, John saw that he still had twelve hours to go, give or take a few minutes.

Plenty enough time to finish plotting his revenge.

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Rodney fumed when he opened his laptop and saw that his screensaver had been changed from the hot chick on Star Trek: The Next Generation to bouncing lemons. He logged in and found that his background had been changed as well. The very cute picture of his cat had been replaced with a picture of a lemon tree. Cursing under his breath, he went in and changed the settings back. That done, he stood and made his way over to the small cooler he kept under one of the lab tables for drinks. He opened the lid and looked inside.

"Son of-a-bitch!" He yelled. All of his iced coffee drinks and sodas had been replaced with lemonade and iced tea with lemon. Frantically, he made his way to a small bin somewhat hidden at the back-end of the lab were he kept his secret stash of candy bars and other assorted goodies. "No, no, no!" All of his candy bars and snack cakes had also been replaced. Instead of Hershey's bars and Snickers, he found lemon flavored power bars. His cakes and cookies had been replaced with cupcakes with lemon and orange crème filling, lemon cream cookies, pies with lemon filling, and orange and lemon lollypops.

Instantly, he knew who'd done it. There was only one man on the entire expedition who could pull it off, even being one handed at the time. Beckett had released him several hours earlier; he'd had plenty of time. Sure enough, when he looked up he saw the culprit leaning against the doorframe. Rodney watched as Sheppard stood up straight, grimacing a little and clutching his wounded arm which was resting in its sling, and entered the lab.

"What's the matter, Rodney?" He asked with mock concern, playing the innocent act very well. "I heard you yelling clear down the hall."

"Like you don't know!" Glowering at his treacherous friend, he asked, "Are you _trying_ to kill me? What if I'd grabbed one of them and eaten it without looking at the label first? I could have had an allergic reaction and wound up in the infirmary, or worse. Or, what if I happened to be working on something very important and couldn't leave my lab, or had somehow gotten stuck in here? I could have gone into hypoglycemic shock and died!

Sheppard just shook his head and smiled. "Wouldn't have happened. You always check the label before you open anything. You're anal like that. Besides, you're over exaggerating. Again. Worse case scenario, you'd have gotten a rash."

Rodney crossed his arms, knowing but not caring that he looked very much like a petulant schoolboy. "And why does my lab smell lemony?"

"Oh, that? We have a new maintenance man, just arrived yesterday actually. I made sure to inform him of how much you _love_ the smell of lemons. Told him make sure he used _lots_ of that citrus scented cleaning stuff when he cleaned the labs this morning." Sheppard grinned his "cat that ate the canary" grin. Then he turned to leave the lab. When he'd reached the door, he turned back and addressed Rodney again. "Oh, by the way, next time you want to pull another stunt like that geek's paradise, bug planet again," he paused, an evil grin spreading across his face, "you might want to reconsider." That said, he whistled as he practically skipped out of the room and down the hall.

Rodney stared after him, considered plotting his revenge then changed his mind. It was one thing to piss off a military man with big guns that couldn't be used against you. It was another thing entirely to piss off a military man with combat training and who happened to be a brilliant strategist.

Knowing he'd gotten off easy compared to what Sheppard was capable of, he wisely decided to, as the saying went, leave well enough alone.

**THE END**


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